Glow with radiant glow.

Last year, something big happened to me. Well, maybe not that big, but it did have great impact on me, which made me start thinking about things that never hit my mind before. I was still in a mess at the beginning of this year—even though I was very determined to change myself, I still had trouble pulling myself out of this soul-sucking-mud situation. A colleague I used to work with five years ago sent a message saying that she would like to send me a pink crystal as a gift to wish me all the best. She heard what has been going on with my life and felt sorry for me, and she wanted to give forward her blessings like she always did when a friend was in need.

This morning, as I rushed to work, hoping to make it at 9:00 am sharp (don’t laugh, people, I’m serious), an old lady came to me with a wrinkled note in her dry, wrinkled palm. I didn’t have time for her—this was what first flashed across my mind, so I spontaneously waved at her and trotted on, not even bothering to listen to her unfinished sentence. A casual glance had me notice the innocent, hopeless look on her face. I felt a sense of guilt drowning me. “Good deeds, Georgia,” I heard this tiny voice screaming all over the pavement as I marched on. So I turned around immediately and raced back to her, panting like a...I have no idea.... Obviously, she’s lost. I gave her directions to the given address, which was wrong since it should have been 羅斯福路 instead of羅福路W hen I punched in, I was one minute late, but no regrets. One minute. It only takes one minute to confess a thought, to say prayers, and to give blessings. It also takes no more than one minute to save someone else’s trouble. Why spare the good deed? I’m starting to like this good-deed concept. One minute.

前一陣子收到老同學轉寄一個日本樂團 Mr Children 一支MV的網址：   



          「http://www.cs.ccu.edu.tw/~ccy92u/kurumi.wmv 」，同學在信中寫道：

    

         「你有想過嗎？

               當你年老後，還會記的年輕時要一起去完成的夢想嗎？

               當你年老後，還會有可以一起瘋的朋友嗎？

               我一直很喜歡.…愛因斯坦 說的…“人因夢想而偉大”…

               當我們老的時候…會是如何呢?!
               還會有像這樣一起……的朋友嗎？！ 」

        當時我回了一封群組信，內容是這樣的：

sense 的想法：

    

       這則 Music Video  讓我想起學生時代，那要命的青春，活該的天真。一切是如此可笑，但是相當美妙。回憶中的極品，強烈得你不得不暫時遺忘當下。

 

       讀高中時，有一天雅燕很興奮地告訴我，她們幾個住宿的女生徹夜未眠，聚在廁所裡聊天，說著長大以後的夢想。她們要開一間很棒的麵包店。聽了好心動呢，從店 名、佈置到麵包的口味都想好了。多年後，當我唸大三時，其中一位同學癌症過世了；還有一位高中畢業不久便嫁入豪門；而雅燕也早已跟我失去聯絡。

 

       我在大學度過學生時代最開心也最痛苦的一段日子。計畫過很多夢想，很多個「我們的未來」。畢業前，跟 j-wen 談到以後一起開補習班，我教英語， j-wen 的老公教數理， j-wen 跟 rabbit  可以教國文、作文、其他社會學科等等。當時聊得忘我，剛從影印店出爐的訓詁學筆記早就涼了（親愛的 j-wen ，我訓詁學期末考考很爛絕對跟妳無關）。畢業迄今已兩年半， j-wen 忙著照顧家庭與孩子，rabbit 在花蓮當超有學問的高學歷鄉下人（電影TAXI 3 在台北早就下檔了，還很興奮地打電話告訴我多好看，要趕快去看。rabbit 我愛妳），目前可能正吸著男友的二手煙與碩士畢業論文搏鬥。（rabbit 加油，今年若順利畢業，sense 請妳吃文園的波羅麵包，帶妳回母校遊街，氣死那些勢利眼的老師，然後在文華樓走廊留下妳的掌印，搞得比星光大道還風光。咦？這也算夢想呢！）

 

       麵包店，只有在高二那年是熱騰騰的。補習班，還在萬丈平地起的階段便胎死腹中。許多青春的夢想尚未實現，我們早已紛紛向現實投誠。去年我所在的公司的執行 長問我有什麼理想，我眼睛發亮地回答他：「我要跟我的好同事  Wendy 一起開美語補習班！」那時我還有築夢的熱力。然而隨時間的流轉，猛然發現自己就置身在人事全非的大環境裡，Wendy 告訴我：「去結婚吧！我希望妳能幸福。」於是如果有人問起我的理想，我便兩眼發直地說：「就…結婚吧！如果沒人要我，我就一輩子跟在父母身邊，不管他們去 哪，即使是死我都要跟隨。」

 

       不過話又說回來，我們既然置身於人事全非的環境之中，換言之我們屬於物換星移的一部份，未來的事不能蓋棺論定。也許等我老了，會突發奇想報名全國舞展，一 雪前恥，滿足愛跳舞愛現的夢想，前提是，我還有身材，還跳得動的話；或者到二二八公園裸奔，前提是，我裸奔完還有臉活下去的話。

 

       年少時的夢想，真正美好。它給我們瘋狂的理由。

 

 

 

    sense                                               請勿任意轉載拙作∼

    93年3月24日有感                         神愛世人，sense 愛你們